New Moon

I don't want to blog because that will mean that my post on Sports Day will just go lower and lower till it can't be seen anymore. I know I'm hoarding all these memories too much, holding on to them too tightly. I know things will ultimately disappear and life will just move on.

But just let me hold on to these little memories while I can?

I realised my memory is getting worse. I remember lesser details than ever and I don't remember things as clearly as before. I don't see you as clearly in my dreams anymore. I realised I forgot how you look like; the contours of your face, the way your mouth curves when you smile, the way you laugh, the sparkle in your eye, the way we used to talk about the past, present and future. I don't remember, I don't recall.

As time passes and memory fades, how much of ourselves are kept intact?
The more time passes, the more we slowly lose of ourselves. Yet, at the same time, the more we gain. Ultimately, it depends on how much these two balance out.

I'll try to balance it out. Especially when it's now in danger zone, where I'm more of what I want people to perceive me as, rather than who I am and who I want to be.

Or perhaps I'll just wait for someone to tweak me right. And figure things out for me.

Where I keep my Heart and Soul

St Nicks <3

Sometimes I get so sick of blogging and now it's one of the times. It's one of those moments when you think that you have a lot to say and a lot to talk about, but truly, it feels empty inside.

I'm really bad with words. Really.

I just feel everything and I can't put any of it into words.

It's kind of sad how people have these dreams and ambitions when they are small. Some move on to work hard in achieving them while the rest just drift around.

Yes, I'm a drifter. Not because I choose to; not because I'm lazy. But simply because I don't remember any of them anymore. It's amazing how people change and it's amazing how I think I left a part of me behind.

I can't find that part anymore. The one who secretly has dreams to fulfil. Keeping things secret was not a good idea, because now I cannot remember and nobody else knows.

I'll searh for a new piece to fit the puzzle I guess. Or I'll just force it in and hope it makes a complete picture.

When dreams are in colour.

Holidays have started, unofficially. But there's still consultation and what nots.

Consultation with Ms Ting was horrible. Firstly, I didn't know it was at the library so I went in PE tee. So she made Yenfang and I wait outside the library for half an hour because I wasn't allowed in. The school rules are plain retarded. LIKE SERIOUSLY. Which school bans people in half-u from the library?! And it's not like I ran around or what. Anyway, the whole consultation began with her scolding us one by one about our results. Yay as usual.

The day before consultation was fun as Li Er's house! Rushing to do the video and scrapbook for Jacq. We actually planned to leave at 6 but ended up leaving only at 9.30pm. I got lost at the interchange -.- Because I thought that was the end of the interchange so I turned and walked to the junction wondering where my bus can be. Only to see it rolling out of the interchange when I was at the interchange junction. Since I missed the bus, I decided to just walk to the next stop, following the bus. & I had lovely Vivian on my phone accompanying me :D

Next day after consultation, I went to KAP macs waiting for 3 late pigs. I ate my breakfast alone ): Rushed the video with my laptop and luckily I brought it because the rest didn't bring when I thought they would. I didn't have the songs so Zhongyun went back home to get it with her netbook. Left there at 2 and cabbed down to clarke quay because we were late meeting Xiaoqian! Rushed the video on the cab and got woooozzzzyyyyyy. Went settlers to play but I really don't get games hehhhh. Not much of a game person. & used my laptop to burn the video into a disc, when my laptop was like hibernating before that because it had only 3% of battery left. Good lappie. Went home with them at 6 plus and Jacq walked me to Serangoon circle line till she saw her mum. I helped her attract her mum's attention by shouting "Jacqueline!" Smart me :D

Still waiting for Taka to call and she's taking so long!!! I need the job and I need to get it!!! Unfair if Serene gets it without me ): I want to work with her. I shall wait till 4pm later if not I'll call to ask~ Hmphhhh!

Been dreaming a lot these days, maybe because I have too much time on my hands. Fun dreams though some are a little crazy. Like me talking to Spencer and he gave me a cake which I brought home and my mum was like hounding me for sleeping with a guy -.- Which obviously I didn't and she saw the cake and said that it was proof (wth right). So I threw it downstairs and when I looked down, the whole area was cordoned off because a baby was found next to my cake. FREAKY SHIT. Reminded me of Chucky.

And realised that even when I dream about schoolmates and stuff. It's always in St Nicks. Like if we're chatting and stuff, we'll be at the specs stand and stuff. 6 days to seeing the familiar St Nicks for the last time. ):

Can't wait to meet 6teen and Vivian this week. Sports Day & Genting for christmas with Vivian~~~ <3

Oh no, Christmas present buying for 6teen!

6teen and 4cee

Yesterday was really packed and busy! Was out the whole day!

1. Breakfast with 6teen at Long John's
2. Ichiban Lunch
3. NTUC drooling hehe :P
4. My Girlfriend is an Agent
5. Chinara's Party

Reached home pretty late at around 11 because my parent's fetched me after their badminton and gyming. Too lazy to go into details except that I really had fun! Shall meet them more soon! <3

Thanks for the memories

For me, it's the one group.

Thank you for the wonderful memories you've made with me.
Thank you for the yummy cake.
Thank you Vivian for the lovely present.
Thank you Aunty for the angpao.
Thank you for your smiles.

Most importantly, Thank you for being there with me and enduring me all the time.

P.S. Genting with Vivian is ALLOWED. OMG. MY PARENTS ARE FANTASTIC.

Ur so gay and you don't even like boys.

*wink*wink*

OP dry run two today! & I got bad comments saying that I'm too exaggerated and my head keeps bobbing. But that's like the way I talk usually so I have no idea how to improve that. 6 November coming up and it'll all be over!

Early day again tomorrow and schedule is kind of packed.
8-9am Principal's Talk, Giving out Progress Report
10-12nn Geography Lesson
1030am Meeting the dean
12-4pm OP presentation for the whole class
430-6pm NUTEEN focus group

A lot of rushing and a slight overlap (which I'm super glad for). I have to do I & R second draft and there's still geography homework which sucks. I don't think I have time to do it :/

Urgh I'll go do my work and stop slumming.

If you asked me what I remember from that day, I can tell you about the images that flash in my mind. The moment when we laughed, the moment when we cried. The place where we talked, the place where we sang our hearts out.

If you asked me what I remember from that day, I can tell you from my heart the calm feeling I had. The short moment when I slumped lower in my seat to fit into the contours of your side, and rested my head on the edges of your shoulder. Perhaps that moment lasted less than a few seconds before you stood up, said "See you later" and joined your friends. But somehow that feeling still lingers.

Sometimes it doesn't matter whether you think with your mind or with your heart, as long as it's worthwhile when you place your faith in it, and just believe.

Not meant to be

It hurts so much talking to you, knowing that you will never know.

If all I did was to float, and you disagreed with me my rationale for doing that, perhaps all I have to do was to stop and see things from another angle. And know that perhaps I was wrong, and maybe you were wrong. But ultimately, the main lesson will be that we're both different in beliefs, and that what I always believe in, you will never believe.

And it all boils down to what I believe in- destiny.

But you put on quite a show, really had me going.

Had a great time with Serene and Xiaoqi at town today! Going to meet again next week :] Shall post the photos (though not many) when Serene puts them on facebook.

Shit, hate such talks. Cry cry cry. Cannot breathe.

Because I love you

Your call made it better. Even though we didn't exchange any words of comfort or words to reassure, it means a lot to me that you cared. & I guess that's what best friends are for; simply just being there for each other. Maybe that's why I love you so much that no matter what happens, I still turn back to you.

I know its really cliche but sometimes I feel its better to cry sometimes haha. like even though nothing much is solved or done but somehow after crying and sleeping and waking up the next day I will feel a bit better de (: so dont worry about crying, we are young teenage girls with hormonal imbalance, we have the absolute right to do so!!

Cute right? Maybe you can guess who said that. My dear cute friend that I've not seen in ages! We'll fight together!

& Mr Z, you really don't have to entertain my emoness. Seriously.

Love like This

Good times

Had a great time with Vivian yesterday eating macs and watching Sister's keeper. A show worth watching! I cried a bit but it wasn't as tearjerking as the book. We chatted a lot in macs and she gave me a free milkshake :] Walked around aimlessly was fun as we did weird stuff like trying to stalk people but failed. And I didn't buy anything in the shops I went to hoping to buy something. Vivian bought stuff in almost all the shops HAHA.

We had MOF ice cream :] I had chocolate and she had strawberry; back to basics! I came home for dinner and my dad ordered KFC delievery :D & I'm going to eat the leftovers for lunch now hehh.

Really miss 6teen together! Like the innocent and maybe less sensitive times. But when things change, they never change back so I guess all I can do is to take it as it is and change my attitude towards it. Hope to see them soon :D We didn't meet up this week and not meeting next week also ): Because Eehui and I have Tripod Camp. I really really want a sleepover of some sort during the holidays. I suddenly have the urge to have a chalet where we invite many St Nicks girls whether or not we're close, or maybe like few groups of St Nicks people, and have this mass gathering! Can save costs y'know~ And also if we don't really click, we just hang out with our own cliques or be sociable :D Sounds really fun but bet it'll be difficult to plan! :/ Dream dream dream.

A word was a powerful thing. An insult didn’t have to be shouted at you to make you bleed; a vow didn’t have to be whispered to make you believe. Hold a thought in your head, and that was enough to change the actions of anyone and anything that crossed your path.

– Jodi Picoult, The Tenth Circle